London Student
rook sketch diary gossip

Failcards, garbage council and saving the coppers

The millennial 26-30 railcard is already an absolute disaster

Fellow young people will probably remember Budget Day in November of last year, where the Tories made a big thing about launching a 26-30 railcard ‘for millennials’. Plenty of people pointed out, quite rightly, that if people in their late twenties are unable to afford rail travel then a good solution might be to a) work out why young people are so poor and maybe do something about that and/or b) make rail travel cheaper possibly by nationalising the railways. But this is the government! It’s obvious to everyone now that this government hates millennials almost as much as it hates absolutely everyone else.

On Tuesday at 7am, Rail Delivery Group released 10,000 millennial railcards on a first-come, first-serve basis, and the website promptly crashed under the demand. We really all should have expected that. The government threw us all a couple of crumbs of stale bread and we all scrabbled around on the floor like the pathetic starving gammy-footed pigeons we are. As a follow up, the government plans to allocate the railcards by sending us all to an island in the Outer Hebrides for a bloody fight to the death until there’s only one millennial left.

Kensington and Chelsea Council are still garbage

In more shocking-but-not-surprising news, Kensington and Chelsea Council have been revealed to be shamefully deficient in not one but two different Grenfell-related ways. In a Met Police test, fire doors for the Grenfell Tower flats should have held up for 30 minutes against a fire but only resisted for half that time. Instantly and predictably, both the Housing Secretary and Kensington and Chelsea Council distanced themselves from their considerable failings by pretending that everything was fine, proving to us all once again that they are complete and utter trash.

Alongside this, information commissioner Elizabeth Denham has condemned Kensington and Chelsea Council for failing to respond to multiple freedom of information requests about Grenfell Tower, warning the Royal Borough that if they don’t sort their shit out she could take them to court for contempt. The complacency and contemptuousness of the council still manages to be astonishing, even though we all knew that it’s a dumpster fire – a filthy rich dumpster fire where the tyres are made of mink and Fabergé Eggs and council leaders dance around the fire burning £50 notes and FOIs.

1p and 2p coins saved from the axe by public outcry

After news came out that the government was considering phasing out copper coins, the British public took to social media to slam the idea. Luckily, the Tories appear to be moving away from the idea, so it seems as if our beloved coppers are safe. In their honour, Rook has compiled a special list of 3 ways to use our 1ps and 2ps:

As an impromptu screwdriver, to remove the grating off an air vent in the underground room you’re trapped in so you can climb to safety and save your friends from a murderous and vindictive assassin who took the rest of your stuff but underestimated the power of your pennies;
As a battery, when the zombie apocalypse happens and the power blacks out but your phone is dead and you have to charge it so you can reach your estranged spouse and small child, and;
Stuffed into a big sock to use as a weapon in the Hebrides, to club all the other millennials to death so you can finally get your fucking railcard.

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Rook

The student politics sketch by London Student.