The mythical gender pay gap and Boris Johnson’s U-turn towards intersectional feminism

The gender wage gap is definitely a myth, claim men

The gender pay gap is a myth, according to conclusive data released today in an independent study.

The study, paid for by Justice for Men and Boys, was released in conjunction with public sector pay gap figures published by the government.

It drew on evidence provided by three men who know some women.

Justice for Men and Boys spokesperson Philip Davies, MP, said: “I’m an obnoxious, whiny man-baby and clearly know more about women than most people.

“They just don’t want to be paid more, and the ones that think they do are man-hating feminist harpies anyway so they don’t count.”

The study also blames maternity leave for the “biased” data, with all three participants adding that they definitely wouldn’t hire a pregnant woman anyway.

Survey participant Sam, 20, said: “All the government data shows is that men are better at jobs than women.

“My Mum does my laundry and quit her job to have a baby, so it’s obvious women don’t want to work anyway.”

Sam, who is unemployed, is a frequent poster on sub-Reddit r/incels, under the username u/feminism_is_cancer.

The survey also states that some women are CEOs and therefore concludes that feminism has gone too far.

Survey participant and IT technician Keith, 48, said: “It’s not fair. My boss was a woman, and she was paid way more than me.”

Boris Johnson steps down to make way for much better qualified woman

Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has resigned today after a stinging rebuke in Parliament caused him to lose his confidence.

Mr Johnson was sternly told off by Speaker of the House John Bercow earlier this week for sexism, after Johnson had ridiculed Shadow Foreign Secretary Emily Thornberry.

He has since had an epiphany, according to sources close to the Foreign Secretary, and stepped down today to make way for a better qualified woman to take his place.

Speaking in front of the media today, Mr Johnson said: “I am no-platforming myself.

“It’s clear to me now that I am an insufferable crusty pig with hair. I am just such a colossal twat and I’m so sorry.

“In fact, I’m flabbergasted that I got this job in the first place when anyone can see that I absolutely do not deserve to be in power.”

After his dressing-down in Parliament the Foreign Secretary has been seen wandering Westminster reading Roxane Gay and Reni Eddo-Lodge.

Mr Johnson has pledged to spend the rest of his life furthering the cause of intersectional feminism and to never speak in public again.

The student politics sketch by London Student.

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